Poison Ivy is growing on my legs
by Eowyn Rivers
Summary: AU where the events in KL are a bit rougher and the mind of Sansa darker... Sansa is 16 and Sandor 27 Warning: Self harm
1. A throne of bones a crown like blood

_If I ran away, I'd never have the strength_  
_To go very far_  
_How would they hear the beating of my heart_  
_Will it grow cold_  
_The secret that I hide, will I grow old_  
_How will they hear_  
_When will they learn_  
_How will they know_

My place is in King's Landing I repeat myself every night. My pain, my sorrow belongs to this Palace of dust. There is no one here to help me. I am the lone wolf lost in unknown woods. The cold is burning my blood and the loneliness could never ease the noise of those empty souls around me.  
My skin is covered by bruises, my face is still pale but my eyes turned to a dark blue I had never seen before. "You have now the Stark look" Joffrey once told me. No. I have the Tully look. My mother's. The trout is roaring in the water and no one outside can hear it. They do not understand my fear and my bravery. They wait for me to give up to this life. But I will never, not as long as I am alive.  
I am a wolf and a trout. And they do not fear the angry lion for they are stronger and cleverer.  
In the Red Keep I am silent, but within those walls I cannot hide my emotions. My arms are full with Joffrey's attentions but with mine too. My nails on my arms, digging to find blood, the evidence of my beating heart.  
No one knows about this I believe. And if they did would they care?  
The old dog barks at my door  
"Little Bird. Leave this room. He wants you."  
He wants to punish me. Is it his way to make him feel alive? I hurt myself, he hurts others.  
Maybe he's not as happy as he pretends. He is no fool, he knows he is a King without powers.  
I see Cersei next to him, and the knights of the Kingsguard. They are all here, the blind witnesses of my agony. Sandor puts his hand on my shoulder. His touch is rough but the skin is light. Like velvet.  
"Sansa Stark, I heard you like to wander in the Godswoods at night. I expected another behavior from you Sansa… But you keep disappoint me it seems. Ser Meryn."  
Joffrey was offering me a painful kiss. It didn't last long this time. Sandor took me back to my room without a word.  
"Don't hurt yourself Little Bird."  
"Sandor."  
"Yes Little Bird?"  
"I do not hate you."  
The man was damaged, broken. One could never say if his joy would turn to anger or grief once you hurt him. But with me I knew there was no anger. Harshness in his words only.  
Sandor Clegane is no man of words. Good for I am sick of empty languages and he speaks to me in his mother tongue: despair.

* * *

Italic sentence -Live to tell by Madonna (yeah I know this is not a Shakespeare quote)


	2. Confusion will be my epitath

Ser Dontos is in the Godswoods with me. He speaks but I cannot hear him. He tried to kiss me but I

have strength enough to make him stop. He promises me the North but I am no Cersei , I will not

surrender my body to his hands. Never.

I can see Sandor waiting in the shadows. Ser Dontos leaves me, finally.

"Little Bird is making herself friends… Be careful of him, he is not the fool he looks like."

"He is not a friend of mine. What do you want?"

Her voice is sour, her face closed to emotions. She has learnt so well…

"I have to get you back to your room Little Bird, the Queen doesn't want to see you in such company

at night."

We always take time to walk. I guess we both like each other's presence. But none of us wishes to

admit it. Our violence is our kindness to each other.

"Aren't you tired to be the Queen's dog? Always doing what she asks, so obediently?"

He takes my arms and pushes me against a wall. I am not afraid.

"Think you're smart Little Bird? You're not. You're stupid. And you'd better shut your mouth."

It hurts and he knows it. He also sees that I'm enjoying this pain, that this makes me feel alive.

"Enjoying my soft caress Little Bird? Maybe I should hold your arm tighter."

And he does. I cannot hold my teeth biting my lips. Pain, yes but pleasant pain. Not like Joffrey's.

We keep walking till we reach my room.

I can feel his look upon my figure.

"Sleep now little bird. Don't harm yourself without me."

It goes like that during two weeks. He holds my arm tighter than usual to make me feel better. Keeps

me from ruining myself.

"Stay with me tonight." It is an order.

He knows what to do to make me feel better.

He removes his armor his shoes and sits on my bed. I take off my dress too. Tonight he knows what I

want. What I need.

He puts himself under the sheets, and so do I.

He holds me in his arms, drying the tears on my face. Tonight I feel alive and I can feel the real pain. I

softness. And his arms are an ocean of calm. He holds me tight till I fell asleep.

In the morning he is gone, but the remains of his touch will stay, buried in my soul.


	3. AMANITE

O Sandor. Don't speak.  
This time we're fully clothed in this dark. He grips my hair. Hard.  
It feels so good.. Will it grow cold? I cry and he sees it.  
"Want me to stop?"  
"No. Never."  
It is not his domination that I enjoy, it is my will. It hurts, yes, but because I said so. If I say stop, he will. He is an obedient dog after all. And he wants to please his mistress.  
And each time he does. I sit in front of my mirror, I can see him standing behind me.  
We are beautiful like that. O I wish we could stay this way forever.

"You are such a fragile pretty thing, Sansa."

Cersei invites me in her room today. It reminds me the day I first had my periods. I could even feel compassion from her. But this time she has something to announce.

"You are to marry my brother, Tyrion. I know this cannot please you as much as it pleases me but I hope that, with some time, you will find this match the best you could hope for."

She looks at me with a despising look. She hates me and she wants me to know it. But I do, since the very first day.

The days before the wedding look the same to me. Tyrion comes to me sometimes, tells me he's sorry, he doesn't have a choice.

But we always have a choice.

Sandor comes to visit me too, but not for long, ten minutes each day. Like usually he grips my hair so, so tight… This time again I can feel this ache in my most intimate parts. I do not know what to do, but I believe he does. I take his hand and make him put it under my dress. He softly caress my thigh and it causes a thrill in me I didn't know. He knows what I want and I let him free of my hand.

I can guess his fingers there, unknown parts of myself that he discovers for me. He caress it, being always so gentle as he grips tighter my hair.

"Yes… Keep going…"

This time I feel his fingers entering me and I cannot hold my surprise.

"Wha-at.."

"Shhh"

I let him do it. I cannot say what though. But it eases my ache, and it feels so good.. I need more.

"Got to go Little Bird."

And this is how he leaves me.

Now I just have to wait, for night to come and lead him to my room


End file.
